A Mother's Secret
by Randomness85
Summary: This story is from Ruth's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

April 15, 1913

I was sitting in my rocking chair, facing the window, sewing a set of dresses for a customer. I was thinking of my life and how things had changed so much. I thought about The Titanic and about Rose. I thought about Cal and could feel the anger I harbored for him resurface "That putrid bastard!" I silently said to myself. I hated him for what he put Rose through, but I hate myself more. Because of my need to keep my status, my daughter is gone. A daughter that I long for. Oh what I wouldn't give just to hug her, something I never done.

I thought about everything that happened aboard that doomed ship. "Why did it have to be that way?" I silently asked myself, or so I thought.

"What?" Bonnie, one of the other women of the house, asked.

Startled, I dropped a dress on the floor. "I am just thinking of some things."

"Oh ok!" Bonnie replied as she sat back in her chair, "Ruth, you really shouldn't talk to yourself, it makes you look crazy."

I stood up and laid the dresses down in the chair. Placed one hand on my hip and one up to my throat. I couldn't believe she said that to me "I am not crazy!" I hissed. "I was simply thinking out loud!"

Bonnie stood up and placed both hands on her hips "Well... Don't... Don't use that tone of voice with me!" she snapped back at me.

"I will use whatever tone I desire. I am Ruth DeWitt Bukater!" I sometimes forgot that I'm no longer a woman with money and used my snooty tone.

Bonnie let out a cackling laugh "DeWitt Bukater.. The woman who let her own daughter get away.. the woman who tried to marry her daughter off for money.."

I not only heard Bonnie, but felt her words and they hurt. I felt my heart beat faster and tears formed in my eyes, daring to spill. I felt frozen in place and couldn't find any words for rebuttal. I stood there staring at Bonnie.

"Ah, why ya so quiet, Ruth DeWitt Bukater? Did I hurt your feelings?"

I wiped the tears away that were now falling, trying to hide my hurt. "I.. I.. I got to go..." I slowly turned around and ran for the door.

I stopped outside the house and leaned against the fence wiping my face, not caring who saw me. I hated Bonnie and I hate my job. I hate living here with such rude, obnoxious and heartless people. Most of all I hate myself. "I did this to myself." I cried into my hands. I used to be everything that I hate now.

 _My mind went back to Titanic, the day after Jack saved Rose from falling into the water. Oh how I had despised that gutter rat then. I was judging him before he ever opened his mouth. "That boy is going to ruin everything. He isn't rich enough for Rose." I remembered thinking. "He might be wearing a suit he stole.." I cursed myself. Little did I know that I would like him._

 _I knew when Jack and Rose had came to dinner, that he already loved Rose. I could see it on his face. Cal had never looked at Rose the way Jack did. I kinda liked Jack, but I couldn't let Cal or anyone else know that. They would have kicked me down to third class with him._

 _Jack was a bright young man and had a will to live, after losing everything he loved. He had a wild side, and it kinda scared me. Rose had a wild side too, but kept it suppressed for the most part. "He can love Rose, but can he provide for her?" I had asked myself that night._

 _After that dinner, everything changed. Rose seemed more alive. Her eyes were shining and she had a smile from ear to ear._

 _Rose sat in front of her vanity, brushing her hair. She looked at me through the mirror and smiled a smile that lit up the room "Mom, I think I love him!"_

 _I knew who she was talking about, but played like it was Cal that she was referring to. I wanted to hug her and tell her that I was happy for her, but I couldn't. All I could do was nod and smile back at her. "Why didn't I hug her?" I asked myself._

 _I wanted to tell her that it was ok for her to love Jack. I wanted to so badly, but Cal, he was such a bastard and he would do everything in his power to make sure they weren't together. I wanted so many times to tell her that they should leave the ship together, but I couldn't._

 _The night of the sinking when Jack and Rose came to warn us, I was so happy inside seeing them together. I knew he didn't steal the necklace but was too afraid to say anything that would help him._

 _When Rose was beside me in the lifeboat, I was trying to keep her there and safe. When she jumped back onto the ship, I was screaming for her to come back. I felt my heart shatter in a way that I never knew was possible. It was Molly Brown who tried to comfort me. She was telling me that Rose was smart and tough, that she would make it. "Molly, she's gone back for Jack..." I said through tears that were burning my cheeks. I hadn't even noticed the cold night air, the air that was practically freezing everyone else. My eyes burned and my heart was hurting. I wanted to save Rose, but by the time I realized it, the lifeboat was too far away from the ship. We begged the people to go back, they refused and told us all to shut out mouths._

 _Two hours had passed when the Carpathia arrived. I still wasn't feeling the cold, as I was lost in thought. I was thinking of my daughter and how the Ocean had taken her for its own. I wanted to be with her, to tell her that I was sorry and that I loved her. I never did anything with her that a mother should do. Grief and my guilt were overtaking me. Regret. I regretted everything that happened. I wanted so badly to turn back time and save my daughter and Jack._

 _Molly didn't leave my side, but for a few times on the Carpathia. "Why didn't I accept that she loved Jack, a poor man?" I remembered asking Molly._

 _Molly gently placed her hand on mine "Ruth, I don't know..." she sighed. "Maybe you were afraid that Jack couldn't take care of Rose and give her everything."_

 _I thought about what Molly had said: "I lost the one thing that meant anything to me and I treated her as a ticket to my happiness." I slightly frowned and felt more tears spill. "All for what?... Money.. a big house.. priceless decorations..." The guilt was eating me alive._

 _"Sometimes things happen, tragedies happen and they teach us something, Ruth," Molly said to me in a calm voice wiping the tears from my cheek._

 _Cal only spoke of Rose once and that was to call her a whore and say she has his necklace. I was furious with him. I was too afraid to act upon my anger, for fear I might say or do some very unladylike things._

 _The day Carpathia arrived in New York wasn't like any other day. I felt alone and like I was slowly dying of a broken heart. I hailed a taxi and went to the train station, alone. I got a seat on the first available train and headed home. The big house never seemed so empty, even though there was stuff everywhere. I stood in the entrance way and looked around, it was so empty. "Trudy... I'm home..." then realization hit me and it knocked the breath out of me. I stumbled backwards and again cried. Trudy was gone. Rose was gone. Everyone was gone._

 _"Poor Trudy" I cried to myself. "Why was I ever so demanding and rude to you?..."_

 _No sooner than I had made myself some tea, was someone knocking at the door. "Who could that be?" I asked myself, catching myself calling for Trudy. I set my tea down and headed for the door._

 _"Lovejoy!" I stammered. "Wha.. what are you doing here?"_

 _He gave me a cold look and growled his words at me "Mr. Hockley, Nathan Hockley wishes to see you at your earliest convenience."_

 _He turned and walked away before I could reply. I wondered why he'd want to see me so soon, I had only been home about an hour or so. Then I remembered, "Rose is gone..." Oh, how my heart hurt every time I thought of her._

 _I was in no rush to visit with the Hockley's. I needed Rose. I walked up to her room and opened the door. Everything was as she left it. Her brush was on the vanity, with some of her hairs still in it. Her bed was still a mess. "You never did like to make your bed." I smiled as I ran my hand across her pillow. "I am so sorry, Rose."_

 _I felt my heart pound faster and faster as I opened up the top dresser drawer. Her diary was in it. I couldn't bring myself to open it. "This is full of her thoughts, maybe I should..." No. I couldn't read it. "What if she has some bad things in here about me?". I put it back and closed the drawer._

 _I looked around a bit more and found a letter to Cal. She hadn't finished it. It read:_

 _Cal,_

 _I don't want to marry you! I only agreed so my mom could keep this big house full of useless stuff and so you could pay the debts my father left. I don't think any of this is fair! I should be able to marry who I want. I want to marry for love, not for money! I don't like this and I hope my Mother will realize this before we get married. I love my mother but ..._

 _I felt more guilt and it was stinging in the pit of my stomach. "She loved me!" I was trying to smile. She never told me she loved me._

 _I placed the letter in my pocket and left her room. I closed her door back and went to my room to rest. I was startled awake by banging on the front door. I got out of bed and hurried to the door._

 _I opened the door to Nathan and Cal Hockley. "I don't have..."_

 _Cal rudely interrupted me and stuck his hand out to me "let us in, we have something to discuss with you."_

 _I tried to protest, but Cal was inside before I could._

 _"My father knows about, Rose." He said with those dark, cold eyes._

 _"No need to be a jackass, Caledon! Where are your manners?" Nathan harshly said._

 _Cal dropped his face towards the floor, he wasn't as tough as he thought he was. I watched him in amusement as he was cowering down like the coward he is._

 _"Shall we go to the parlor?" I asked as I walked away, not caring if they followed or not. These were the last two people I wanted to see right now._

 _Nathan cleared his throat as he took a seat on the chair near the fireplace. "Since Rose is gone, I can't help you any further." He wiped his face "I am sorry to hear about, Rose, really I am."_

 _"I understand that Rose is gone, but please..." I was trying to plead with him but he cut me off._

 _"You'll have to sell your house and belongings if you want to pay off your late husbands debts, I'm sorry." He got up to leave, grabbing Cal by the shoulder "I'll deal with you when we get home."_

 _I sat there in silence, staring at the walls. I tried hard not to think about anything. I fell asleep and dreamed of Rose that night. I woke up looking for her, only realizing again that she wasn't there._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 _The sun shining through my bedroom window woke me up. I sat up and attempted to open my eyes, they burned. The sun was so bright already. "It has to be around noon..." I said to myself._

 _I hurried out of bed and fondled with my chest of drawers, looking for something to wear. I didn't bother looking in the wardrobe, everything there was going to be sold. I found a cream colored dress with yellow daisies embroidered along the neckline and the bottom of the dress. "This is hideous!" I said in disgust as I unfolded it and laid it out on the bed. "God awful!" I chuckled._

 _I got dressed and headed for the kitchen. I opened up the icebox to find nothing. "I should go out and get something to put in there," I thought to myself. I looked down at what I was wearing and gasped at how hideous the dress looked. I thought about changing but decided not to. Dressing by myself was hard. That was something I'd definitely have to get used to since I was no longer a woman of high society._

 _I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. I stepped outside and gasped at how cold the wind was. I adjusted my scarf and hat the best I could._

 _"Ruth!" The lady across the street yelled as she ran over to me._

 _I was disgusted at how she had the nerve to call me by my first name. "How rude.." I thought to myself. I looked at her trying to remember her name, but I couldn't. I never socialized with many people who were in a different social class. I was Ruth DeWitt Bukater and I was of high society, or at least in the moment, I forgot I was no longer a part of high society. "Stop it, Ruth... You're just Ruth now.." I said to myself._

 _She looked at me with a puzzled look "Are you ok?"_

 _"I am ok.." I again searched my mind for her name, but nothing came to mind. "I just don't recall your name, please forgive me." I was embarrassed with myself._

 _"My name is Elizabeth, but you can call me Beth."_

 _She didn't seem offended at all, which took me by surprise. "Nice to meet you, Beth. That is a beautiful name."_

 _"I am sorry to hear about your daughter."_

 _I felt a lump form in my throat and my heart fell to my feet. I missed her so much and just wanted her back. I stood there just staring at the girl from across the street. I had no words._

 _"Maybe we can talk sometime, you could come over for tea," she said in a calming tone._

 _"Sounds nice," I slowly replied with a nod and a half smile. I wasn't expecting that._

 _I picked up my purse and headed off towards the market. People everywhere were calling out to me, but I acted as though I didn't hear them. I didn't want to think about losing my daughter today, not any more than I already did._

 _I searched the market for food, only to remember that I didn't know how to cook. I barely knew how to make tea. I thought about asking for help but decided not to. I got a few pounds of meat, some fresh fruits & vegetables, bread, some sugar, eggs, and flour. "I'll figure this out,"I smiled to myself. _

_I paid for my stuff and walked back towards home, again ignoring the people trying to talk to me. I heard some of them whispering " She must be mental, coming out so soon after losing her daughter." I fought back the tears and walked faster. "I feel so sorry for her." Some people whispered._

 _"Finally!" I screeched as I reached the gate to my house. I unlocked it and pushed it open. I hurried inside and put everything away, except the bacon and eggs._

 _I sat down at the table and tried to think of how to cook it. "Butter? Do I need butter for bacon?" I asked myself with a laugh. I felt so ignorant at that moment. I didn't know how to do the simplest things._

 _I got out an iron skillet placed it on the stove to get hot. I placed the bacon in and a few minutes later it was making a sizzling sound. "Oh, my heavens!" I gasped as it started smoking. I quickly removed the skillet from the stove and tossed it in the sink. My heart was racing. Had I just prevented my house from going up in flames? "Whew, that was close." I screeched as I wiped my forehead. I put the unused bacon and eggs in the icebox and made a sandwich that night. I'm not sure if I even made it right._

 _I cleaned up the mess I had made and sat down to read the newspaper. I wasn't amused by the headlines that day. The Hockley's were on the front page. "It hasn't even been two weeks and he has already found a new victim...Poor soul." I thought to myself. I tossed the paper in the trash and went to rest my eyes, trying not to think of the day I had just had._

* * *

"Ruth!" Grace yelled, shaking me.

I remove my hands from my face to look at her, but everything is a blur and I'm freezing.

"You've been out here for over two hours, Ruth!" She placed a hand on my shoulder. "I didn't mean to startle you, but if we don't get you back inside, you'll surely catch pneumonia."

"Where is inside?" I question, confused.

"Inside the boarding home, you know that." Grace looks at me "You scared me."

I turn around to see the run-down house and suddenly I'm back in reality, out of my thoughts. I shiver as I remember what Bonnie said to me. "Grace, is Bonnie still here?"

"No, she's gone away for the weekend."

"I don't ever want to see her again. She is such a cruel woman."

Grace chuckled "Don't we all know that?"

"I guess we better get inside. I didn't mean to scare you."

We made our way to the kitchen where Grace had prepared some cakes and tea. I take a seat at the table and take a sip of my tea. The warmth felt so good. Grace clears her throat as she takes the seat next to me.

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you? I know it isn't just Bonnie. You looked down when you came out of your room."

"Today is the one year anniversary of the Titanic sinking." I put my head down, not wanting to look at her. "But Bonnie made it worse with the horrible things she said to me."

"Oh, Ruth! I'm so sorry. I've been wanting to get rid of her, but I don't have a reason to put her out legally."

I looked up at her "Yeah, so I know."

Grace again cleared her throat "I have something to tell you about Rose, Ruth."

"What? What about her?" I could feel my heart falling again. I was almost afraid of what she was going to say. "Rose is gone. She went down with the Titanic. I..."

Grace's eyes grew wide and she placed a hand on top of mine "No... No, she didn't!"

"What!?" I jumped up from my seat, anger overtaking me, I slammed my hands down on the table "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT! HOW DARE YOU!" I growled.

Grace winced and flinched at me "Ruth. Please listen to me. I'm not lying... I ran into her today down at the cafe."

"No... No, you didn't, did you?"

"Yes, I promise! She doesn't know me, but I remember her from the pictures you showed me. She's as beautiful as ever. Her red hair is still curly too."

I feel my heart beating faster and faster, my head starts spinning and I fall back into the wall. "What did you just say?"

Grace helps me sit "I said I ran into her at the cafe. She is a waitress there."

"What! Why haven't I ran into her?" I had been there a bunch of times, but never seen anyone who even resembled Rose. "Does she look happy?"

"She just started today! Happy isn't the word I would use, her eyes lit up when she talked about her husband and their baby."

I stood up not quite sure I was hearing her right "Baby?... Husband? Did she marry Jack?" I gasped "What if she doesn't want to see me?" I felt my hand go to my throat, my heart was hurting.

"Jack is her husband, yes."

I couldn't help the tears that were falling "Did you mention to her that you know me?" I asked.

"No, I didn't. I didn't think I was supposed to?"

"Oh thank heavens!" I sighed. "I'm not sure she cares about me. She did run away from me on a sinking ship." I looked down at the table "All this time I've thought her dead, but she's alive. I really messed up with her."

Grace sighed "Don't say that Ruth."

"I will say it. I... I messed up big time with her. I lost her, not to death, but I lost her. I lost her love and trust. The past year I've been mourning her. I thought she was dead.."

"Aren't you happy that she's alive?"

"Yes, of course. It's just that I don't mean anything to her. Which is understandable with how I treated her." I felt guilt again creeping up.

"We should go to the cafe and see her," Grace said.

I looked at her thinking about it. I wasn't sure she would want to see me. If she did, she would have surely found my name on the list of survivors and sought me out. "I will sleep on it."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

April 1914

It has been one year since I learned of Rose's survival. I've been trying to go up to her, but I am still afraid of being rejected. I come to this small little market across the street from the Diner she works at and watch her. Looking at her now, I see a different Rose. I see someone who is free and is loving her life. No sign of the Rose I knew, the girl trying to break free was no more. The fire in her eyes was brighter and her smile lit up the whole place. I never seen a smile so genuine in all my years.

"I would give anything to be a part of her happiness" I said to myself as I took a seat on a near by bench, watching her.

The hours flew by and the daylight began to fade. I got up and adjusted my hat and coat. I headed across the street towards the diner, sitting on an empty bench just outside the door. It was nearing time for Rose to end her shift. I loved sitting here when it was time for her to leave, because I not only got to see her, but Jack and my granddaughter.

"Do ya mind if I sit here and have a smoke?" Jack asked as he put the pram on the opposite side of the bench. Something he did every time Rose was getting off of work.

"I don't mind" I said as I turned away from him, now facing the pram. "She is such a beautiful little girl." I looked at her in awe. I could feel my heart melt. Her hair was as white as cotton and she had the bluest eyes. She had Jack's nose and Rose's mouth. She was literally the most beautiful human being I'd ever seen. My arms were aching to hold her, but I was too afraid to ask.

"She is beautiful like her mother. Dont let her looks fool you though, she has her mothers temper." he laughed, lighting his cigarette.

"I've seen her mother and she does look almost identical to her." I said, remembering Rose when she was a baby. She was a beautiful and sweet baby.

The baby started making sounds and sat up in the pram. Jack extinguished his cigarette and picked the baby up. "My name is Jack, by the way". He said extending his hand to me. "I figure it's time for us to introduce ourselves, since we run into each other here all the time."

What was I going to say my name was? I never expected this. I said the first thing that came to my mind "Betsy, my name is Betsy" I said, shaking his hand.

"And this little bundle of joy is Carrie." His eyes lit up as he bounced her about his knee. You could tell she was the center of his world.

Carrie! I finally knew my granddaughters name. Inside, I was jumping for joy, hoping it didn't show on my face. "That is a lovely name." I stuck my hand over to her and she immediately wrapped her little hand around my index finger and started to babble. I could feel my heart begin to melt. I felt a whole new level of love that I'd never before felt.

"There goes my two lovelys" Rose said as she walked over and picked Carrie up from Jack's lap.

I stared at her, hoping she didn't notice. "Lovely child you have." I said quickly looking towards the ground.

She smiled "Thank you." She paused and looked at me "You look familiar..."

What was I going to say? I sure didn't expect this. They usually just ignored me while I was sitting here. I guess after a year, they just got curious. "How so?"

"You look like someone I used to know" she shrugged. "Maybe I'm just tired. I've had a long day."

Someone she use to know? Boy did that hurt. I could feel the tears forming, threatening to pour out. My eyes were burning and I was afraid to move. I wanted to look at her, but knew I couldn't. "Maybe."

"This is Betsy, Rose. Carrie seems to like her." Carrie was babbling while looking at me and holding her arms out to me, as if she wanted me to hold her.

"That is a bit odd, considering Carrie usually doesn't like strangers" Rose chuckled, looking at me.

I was in total awe at the baby babbling at me. I couldn't contain myself anymore. "Would it be alright if I hold her" I asked.

Rose looked at me then back at Jack, who gave her a nod and a smile.

I held my arms out to Carrie and she practically jumped into my waiting arms.

"Wow!" Rose exclaimed. "She has never done that for anyone besides Jack and I!"

Feeling her in my arms was one of the best feelings I've ever felt. I felt so much love radiate from this beautiful little bundle of joy. She wrapped her little hand around my finger again and laughed. "She is definitely a sweet little angel."

Rose kept staring at me with a look of confusion on her face. She was trying to get a good look at my face, I'm sure she was. She couldn't find out that I was her mother, she would surely take the baby out of my arms and storm off, never to be seen again. I couldn't let that happen. I had to keep seeing her, Jack and little Carrie. I would keep this up as long as I could. I didn't like lying, but it's the only way to be some part of their world.

"We gotta be going" Rose said as she extended her arms out to Carrie. Carrie swatted at her and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Jack do you see this?" Rose asked with a look of shock on her face.

"Yes I do. I think Carrie has a new friend" he laughed.

I was in shock myself that she did that. "She must know that I'm her grandmother." I thought to myself. "Of course she knew, baby's know these things."

I hesitantly pulled her arms from around my neck and handed her to Rose. She let out a loud cry and wiggled around in her arms, reaching out to me, knocking my hat off. I bent down and picked it up, quickly putting it back on before they could get a good look at me.

"Carrie, what on earth is wrong with you?" Rose asked trying to soothe a now screaming Carrie.

I could feel my own heart breaking with each scream she let out. Maybe I shouldn't have held her. "I'm sorry for upsetting her."

Rose placed a hand on my shoulder "She will be okay soon. You didn't do anything."

I froze when Rose touched me. It was almost like a dream. I wanted so badly to tell her that I was her mother, but knew that I couldn't. I would ruin everything and I just couldn't do that, not right now. I would just continue to do what I did everyday and that is watch from the sidelines.

I watched them walk until I couldn't see them anymore. I removed my hat and let the tears fall. I was happy that I got to hold my granddaughter, but hurt that I can't tell her who I am, though I'm sure she knows.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

May 1914

"Good morning Grace." I said as I took a seat at the kitchen table, pouring myself a cup of coffee and picking up the newspaper.

"Good morning, Ruth." She replied with a smile, taking the seat across from me. "You sure are cheery this morning."

"You really think so?" I asked.

Grace smiled at me as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "Yes. I think you going to the diner ever other day is doing you some good. You don't seem as sad all of the time."

"I got to hold Carrie again last night. I tell you, there is something about her, something that makes all my worries and pain disappear when I'm holding her."

Grace set her coffee down and sighed shaking her head "You really should tell them who you are, Ruth."

"I can't do that, not yet. Not when I'm starting to bond with my grand daughter." I said as I sipped my coffee.

"I hate to be the one to bring you back to reality, but I'm almost certain that Rose isn't going to work at that Diner, forever."

Grace had awakened my senses, somewhat. I'd never once thought of that. I was just so happy at seeing them every other night. "I guess you're right, but..."

"But nothing, Ruth. The diner is closing at the end of July!"

Suddenly I felt a pang in my chest and I felt weak. "I didn't know that." I said as I stared off, looking at nothing.

"Ruth are you alright?" Grace asked.

I looked back at Grace. I could see her, but I couldn't hear her. "What did you say?"

"I asked if you're alright." Grace stood up "Do I need to call a doctor?"

"A doctor, why?"

"You're really pale right now. Are you feeling alright?"

"I feel fine, really." I lied. I didn't feel fine.

Grace sat back down and picked up the newspaper. She acted as though she was reading, but I saw her glance at me more than once. "Why do you keep looking at me?"

"Grace looked at me over the top of the paper and raised a brow "What do you mean, "looking at you"?" She lowered her eyes back to the paper "I'm just reading the obituaries."

"Oh yeah?" I questioned. "Are you sure that is what you're reading?"

She glanced at me again and quickly looked back at the paper, scanning it with her eyes "Yep."

"Anyone we know?" I questioned.

"Nope." She said.

I reached over and grabbed the obituary section, that I had laid aside earlier and opened it up. "Let's see if we know anyone in here." I said, making sure to crinkle it a little.

Grace looked up and gasped "Why, Ruth! You knew I was lying..."

"Yes."

"You are slick!" She said laughing.

"So, why were you looking at me?" I asked.

"Because I know you, Ruth. I know when you're lying to me."

"I haven't lied to you, not today..."

"Oh thats horse shit, Ruth!" She said harshly. "You were lying to me when I asked if you were alright.

I sighed in defeat and frowned "I am not alright. Ok.. is that what you want to hear?..."

"I know you're not alright."

"I'm going to lose Rose, again! I'm going to lose Carrie, oh that precious little angel..."

"Ruth, look at me." Grace demanded "You won't lose them..." She paused for a moment "If you tell them the truth..."

"I can't do that because I don't think Rose wants anything to do with me."

"Did she say that?"

"Not exactly. But she did say once that I favored someone she knew a long time ago." Ruth felt the hurt build up inside her once more.

"Maybe she didn't mean it the way you think she did." Grace said with a smile.

"Maybe." I said as I stood up.

"Where are you going?" Grace asked.

"I'm going into town.." I said "I need some fresh air."

Grace stood up "Do you mind if I come along?... We haven't really had any girl time together lately."

"That is a great idea. I need some girl time. We can look at the cute young men and hopefully pick us up one." I joked.

"Well, if we're picking up men, we better put on our best dresses." Grace said laughing.

"The sun looks a little bright today so we better grab our hats.." I said.

"You can wear all the hats you want, but I ain't covering up my beautiful black hair. Besides, the men love black hair." She said as she winked and laughed. "They love red hair even more!"

"Right. That's why I have men just flocking at my feet." I joked.

"You won't do, Ruth."

"We need to hurry. I want to get some fresh vegetables!"

The two of us talked about nothing and everything on the way to town. I had to admit that Grace really was a friend. She cared about me and my well being, the first of her kind.

"Over here Ruth." Grace said as she pulled me toward a vendor who was selling fabric at a discounted price.

"I don't need anymore fabric at the moment, Grace."

Grace gasped "Are you mental? These prices are unheard of!" She laughed "We really should get some, since we're always needing it. At these prices, we could by every inch he has on sale."

I looked at the prices and was shocked at how low they were. I wasn't planning on buying anything but vegetables "I'll take three yards of each one, please."

Grace looked at me and raised her brows "Wow, ' _Miss I don't need anymore fabric at the moment'_ , that's a good bit. How are you getting that to the house?"

"I didn't think about that." I laughed "At one cent a yard, that's a steal and we're stealing it, legally of course."

Grace laughed and waved her hand "You really are mental!"

Thankfully, I had been around Grace long enough to understand her sense of humor. If anyone else called me mental, I'd probably say a few choice words. "You're rude."

"Thank you, I know." Grace said playfully slapping my shoulder.

"Maybe I can pay one of those kids on a bike to take this home."

"Ruth they have bicycles.. Not a buggy." Grace said.

"Ah, yes. I stand corrected." I said. I looked around and spotted an old friend and walked up to him. "Do you have your buggy?" I asked.

"Yes I do, Ruth. Do you need my assistance?"

"In fact I do. I need someone to take all the fabric I just purchased, to the house. It would well appreciated and I'll pay you."

He waved away the thought of payment "No need to pay me, all I ask is that you help load it into the buggy."

"Ruth... Where are you.." I heard Grace calling.

"Here. I'm over here." I said raising my arm and waving it. "Mr. James is going to haul the fabric to the house, we just have to help load it on to the buggy."

"Great!" Grace said as she scanned the crowd, as if she were looking for someone. "I think I saw Rose with the baby, over there." She pointed towards the fruit stand.

"Let's help him load this so we can go say Hi.!" I said, my excitement coming out.

We loaded the fabric and went back to where Grace had spotted Rose and Carrie. I adjusted my hat "Can you make out my face?" I asked Grace.

Grace started tucking my loose hair under my hat "Now she won't recognize you." She said.

"Come with me.. I.. I want you to meet Carrie." I said pulling Grace along.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." I said, cheerfully giggling "You're going to just love her!"

"Hi, Rose." I said as I approached. "Hi little angel." I said holding my hand out to Carrie, who was sitting in her pram.

Rose smiled as she looked up from the baby "Hi, Betsy! How are you today?"

Grace gasped and her eyes grew wide "Betsy..." She whispered into my ear "Of all names, you chose Betsy?..."

Ignoring Grace I smiled back at Rose "I am doing wonderful, how about yourself and little Miss Carrie?"

"I am doing rather well, considering.. " she paused for a moment "Considering I've been dealing with morning sickness and indigestion."

My heart was jumping with joy. I was going to be a grandmother for a second time. Hopefully by then I'll be able to play the role of grandmother "Oh you poor thing." I sighed "How far along?" I asked.

"Four months." She replied "Baby Dawson number two is due mid October."

"Not much longer. Are you excited?"

"Very. Jack and I want at least five kids." She said.

I gasped involuntarily and Rose noticed.

"What?" She asked laughing.

"Never have I heard anyone say they wanted that many kids. One time was enough for me..."

"I thought you said you didn't have any kids.?" Rose said, eyeing me suspiciously.

"You're in trouble, Ruth." Grace whispered.

"I didn't mean I didn't have a kid. I simply meant that we aren't on speaking terms. She ran away from me because I was a horrible mother to her. I made some very bad decisions." I had done said way to much now, but I couldn't stop myself.

"Sounds like my mother." Rose said coldly.

I shivered against her words. "Oh I'm so terribly sorry, honey."

"My mother made some very bad decisions when it came to me." She said, hurt and anger in her voice. "I haven't seen or talked to her since April of 1912."

"May I interrupt you two for a moment and borrow Betsy. It will only take a moment, I promise." Grace said, guiding me out of Rose's sight. "Ruth, I am going to sit on the bench near the pram and play with the baby, while you and Rose chat."

"Go ahead, just don't steal all of Carrie's love!"

"I am rooting for you two to reconcile. You won't reconcile unless you stop being such a stubborn, pig headed mule!" Grace said.

"I'm not stubborn!"

"Tell her the truth, Betsy!" Grace growled and walked towards the bench, leaving me staring after her.

I walked back to Rose and picked up the conversation where we had left off. "Why haven't you talked to your mother?" I asked, hoping I wasn't being too intrusive.

Rose looked at me, her eyes filling with tears. "I don't know if she'll forgive me for running away from her." She wiped her eyes and sighed "I don't think I could ever fully forgive her either, for what she put me through."

Oh how my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest and stomped on. "Oh honey. I'm sure your mother would forgive you." I said, wiping away the tears that were now falling from my eyes. Seeing the pain and anger in her eyes really hurt. I had never realized just how much pain I had caused. I reached out and placed my arms around her, hugging her tight. "I am so sorry, Rose."

She sobbed into my shoulder "I miss her so much sometimes." She said through sobs. "The first time I looked at you, the night you held Carrie for the first time, I thought you were her."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and willed myself not to say anything, not yet. It was so hard. Holding my sobbing daughter in my arms and her not knowing who I am. I was still too afraid to admit that I was Ruth, her mother. The woman who had caused her so much pain. The person who was willing to sacrifice her only daughters happiness for money.

"I almost wished you had been her." She said as she pulled away, looking me in the face. "You look so much like her, it's almost unreal."

All my words were caught in my throat, not wanting to be released. I just nodded and patted her on the back.

"I really hope my mother is ok out there, wherever she is." Rose said, looking around at all the people and then back at me. "I hope she has found some kind of peace with herself and she isn't mourning me." She said.

I had to look away from her. I couldn't look at her in that moment. It hurt too much.

"You're probably wondering why I said I hope she isn't mourning me." Rose said "We were on the Titanic and I ran away from her and my fiance while the ship was sinking, to be with Jack."

"I don't mean to interrupt you two, again...but... This child has made a dirty nappy.." Grace said looking at me and then at Rose. "If you don't mind, I'll change her. We'll just go to the Diner and borrow their restroom.

"Oh no, that won't be necessary." Rose said holding her arms out to Carrie. "I'll go change her."

"Have it your way." Grace said laughing "We'll meet you in there if you'll grab us a table and lunch will be on me."

Grace and I watched Rose and Carrie walk towards the diner. Once they were inside Grace turned to me. "I take it you haven't told her the truth yet."

"Not yet." I said wiping the tears that sat in the corner of my eyes, away.

"Why are you crying." Grace asked.

"Just some of the things she said."

"Ruth.. You have to tell her the truth eventually. Rather sooner than later." Grace sighed leading me towards the Diner. "I'll be there for you, I'm your friend."

"I'll tell her soon, I promise."

We walked in the diner and found Rose and Carrie. I sat beside Carrie, in front of Rose, so I could see her beautiful face. Grace sat beside Rose, in front of Carrie so she could entertain her.

Today could make or break me. I was so anxious and terrified at the same time. What if she really wouldn't accept me back into her life? That would crush me and I wouldn't have any reason to go on.


End file.
